I watched all the Buffy episodes for the first time in my life. Man, I missed out as a teen! I really see that there was so much to learn from Buffy. Aside from all the stunt double action the story lines were all about teaching something. I saw so much that was applicable to being a teenage girl. I love Buffy she's a true heroine. She was an amazing hero with real life problems not including the supernatural creepy crawlies. :P
The episode that touched me at the right time in my life is from season 7, episode 6 "Help." Buffy is a school counselor and the kiddo she's helping knows she's gonna kick the bucket on a specific Friday. In this story line Buffy does everything in her power to prevent her from dying when in the end she passes on. It was her time to go but Buffy still fought for her. The line that stayed with me for days, "what do you do when you can't help them?" She goes back to work the next day and keeps on working.
I want to be just like Buffy when I grow up. I want to keep fighting the good fight even when it feels like the odds are stacked against you. I want to be that strong heart that can just keep going no matter what. So I am making my way there and I will find the path that will keep me going. I smile now but that was a long arduous road to overcome what I firmly believed was my life. Now I am living a new life and I can feel the sun on my face again. The purpose is there but at times it's hard. I see my new purpose in my new studies and the passion I feel when I do the work that I was meant to do. What I do is a labor of love and I will keep feeding it because we can all achieve the dreams we seek it's only a matter of fighting for them.
I really felt that as a person struggling through anything we tend to give up on ourselves so quickly. We are the harshest to judge, we are the cruelest to ourselves, and the most self critical. The message I received was not to give up on ourselves. To keep fighting because we need to believe in ourselves if we ever want to be a help to others. I want a life full of happiness, love, laughter, and good health. If I live my life bitterly I give up. If I live my life waiting for the worst it's really not living.
I feel recently wrung out and spread thin. I've been pushing at 150 miles per hour just to feel like I am doing my part when I haven't been taking are of me. So I may not be made of rubber and it is now proven that I'm not made of glass because I am recovering slowly but surely. (Cue the whistle sound that makes it sound like you dropped something comically, I fell down a flight of stairs and gave myself a concussion.) I feel better now than when I originally hit the concrete and metal with a bang. So as I limp and meander around my little apartment I know that I get to start over without having to have another crash landing off the stairs. I get to take care of me and still be able to do my job.
Funny things happen when the world is telling you to slow down and you don't listen. This was my wake up call to take a good look at how I am running myself ragged. I took a little too much after the parents where we believed working really hard made it all better. When was the last time I really looked at that? Possibly when I last was at the hospital. So instead of having to have health intervene to make me look at the world around me I will be grateful and appreciative for the journey that got me here. If it wasn't for those hard falls, bumps, and bruises I would not have become the sailor mouthed queen that I am today.
Fight for your right to exist, to be heard, and that you have something to offer. We all have something to give back and grow the community around us. We just have to be courageous enough to believe in ourselves.
Gnite and remember we all mean something *hugs*